Perfectionism

Last updated Aug 15, 2023

• Source: Atlas/Maps/DLQ 10 MOC
• Keywords: Cards/permanent notes
• Relevant Notes:
  • Module 1A
    • Cards/Problem versus Mystery: Perfectionists lose their sense of mystery.
    • Cards/Order and Chaos: Perfectionism = wanting too much order
    • Cards/Absolute Certainty versus Wonder: Perfectionists are practice absolute certainty. Consequently, they are not comfortable with paradoxes.
    • Cards/Desire: We can counter this perfectionism through desire for the good.
  • Module 1B
    • Cards/The First Principle and Foundation
    • Cards/Discernment
    • Cards/Consolation
    • Cards/Desolation
    • Cards/Disordered attachments
  • Module 2
    • Cards/Tangibles: Perfectionists create avatars of themselves with their own tangibles.
    • Cards/The Divided Life: Perfectionists live divided lives because the gap between their “perfect” avatars and authentic souls is too wide.
    • Cards/Brokenness: The excessive control perfectionists pursue in their lives is rooted in their unique brokenness.
    • Cards/The False Self: The avatar presented by the perfectionist is The False Self.
    • Cards/Self-rejection: Perfectionist tendencies make us reject ourselves.

• The relationship between puzzles and perfection
  • Imagine a puzzle piece shaped like a perfect shape…there is no such thing. ==The imperfection makes it what it is.==
  • A puzzle piece has an imperfect shape so it can ==connect to a bigger picture.==
  • What does it really mean to be perfect?
• Perfection: excessive control over the processes and outcomes of one’s life
  • Flawlessness; nothing goes wrong; nothing needs to be added
    • always defined in terms of ==the negative==
  • perfectionists have rigid views of the world
  • The roots of anxiety and depression come from perfectionist attitudes
  • 3 insights about its dangers:
    • Perfectionism disables us from seeing life as it truly is
      • Perfectionism ==shelters== you from real-life situations: its difficulties, complexities, and paradoxes.
        • E.G. Ateneo can be seen as the perfect campus…but it can also lead to students living sheltered lifestyles.
      • Reality does not perfectly fit what we want it to be.
        • Life is full of mysteries, not just problems. See: Cards/Problem versus Mystery
      • When it comes to dating, this is a common mentality: “I would have rather have real than perfect.”
        • But remember: your fixation on the perfect might be ==keeping you from the real goal.==
        • ^ Relevant to the examples mentioned by Margaret Self in “Sources/Inner Compass”
    • Perfectionism renders growth unnecessary and obsolete
      • If perfection is such a dangerous thing, then why pursue it at all? Should we just settle for mediocrity, then?
        • The way elite athletes handle defeat is fascinating. The best have a good attitude. Defeats are not attacks on ego; they’re learning opportunties. (Remember: Defeats are learning opportunties)
        • Being a great athlete is not always about winning, but also about learning how to lose well. (Remember: Learn how to lose well)
        • “Gracious in defeat”
        • If you truly have respect for your game, you know that there is always so much more to learn.
      • The good life is about being in a dynamic state of growth rather than a static state of perfection.
      • Mediocrity is judged in the process, not in the result.
        • What makes you truly mediocre is not giving your best effort.
    • Perfectionism makes us harm ourselves and others more
      • Examples:
        • Hitler’s genocide and Duterte’s tokhang. Both of these exemplify how conceptions of what is clean and pure have negative connotations, since they are often used to perpetuate evil.
        • Tiger parents, disagreements with loved ones
      • Perfectionism has victims.
• Important: Do not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
  • ==The good is consistently real==, while perfection is often an illusion.
  • ^ So you can find peace and gratitude in this.
  • Advice: Don’t become too fixed on your goal to the point that you forget the joy of the process.
• The good enables you to be grateful for what you have now, and desirous for what is better. This is where Cards/Desire comes in.